by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Randomize
