he was CRYING into my vagina
we're making bets on your personal life
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
