Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
