I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
