If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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