Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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