i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize