Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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