Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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