I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
