I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
