I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
