Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
