Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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