my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
