last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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