listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
