Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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