It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize