im drinking this country out of the recession.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
