that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i just google imaged poop.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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