He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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