if i can run in heels then i can drive
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
