Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
