she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
