I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize