we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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