My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize