We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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