the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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