Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
