I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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