i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
i think i just lost a toe
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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