It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
