The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
