Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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