I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize