I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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