I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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