she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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