i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
