bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
