After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
