The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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