Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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