He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Randomize
