I hate all girls vehemently.
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
