dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
