dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
