happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Randomize
