Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Randomize
