Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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