Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
