dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
