he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
