You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
