Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
