we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
