hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
