I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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