your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
